Tips for Helping the Whole Family Adjust to a New Baby
As a postpartum doula serving families in Eastside and Greater Seattle area, I offer compassionate support to help parents and siblings adjust smoothly to life with a new baby. Here are some practical tips to help the whole family adjust.
Preparation can help manage the stress. Plan for your child’s big revelation well in advance. There are many great books out there about becoming a big brother or sister that talk about how exciting it can be and at the same time, normalizing feelings of jealousy and frustration.
Involve your children before the baby arrives. Involve your children in baby-prep activities like having them help organize baby clothes and setup up the nursey or baby stations with you.
Introduce your children to your baby in a positive way. When the big moment comes to introduce your child to the baby, make sure to have the baby in a car seat or bassinet for the introduction. This way, your hands are free to greet and cuddle your child. The chances are, your child’s been away from you for a period of time while you are in labor, and they’ll likely want your full attention. Greet your child first and let them know you missed them. Once they’ve had a few minutes of one-on-one time with you, introduce them to their new sibling. Your child might be excited, nervous, or sad about their new sibling. Don’t focus too much on any negative reactions. They will get used to their new sibling soon enough.
Involve your children after the baby arrives too. Give your child age-appropriate tasks such bringing you a diaper (for younger children 2-3 years old). For older children (4-5 years old), ask them to help set the table or participate in supervised meal preparation. Children thrive on responsibilities. Involving your children will build their self-esteem and help them feel included in the family, which will reduce feelings of competition.
Keep your children busy when you need to care for the baby. One way you can make your child feel included is to give them a baby doll they can feed while you feed the baby. Another option is to introduce a “special toy box,” filled with special toys or activities that will keep your child busy and engaged. Try to keep this special toy box for specific moments like feeding the baby or times when you need to give the baby more attention. Also, don’t be afraid to use screen time as a brief tool to keep your children entertained while you care for your baby.
Validate your children’s feelings. Jealousy, anger, and sadness are all common emotions for a child adjusting to their new sibling. The excitement of welcoming a sibling can be overwhelming. This phase of adjustment is temporary.
One-on-one time with your children. Babies can be demanding and require a lot of attention from parents. However, your child also craves one-on-one attention too. Plan for some special time (10 or 15 minutes) with your children each day where the baby is in another room. Let your child pick a toy, game, or book that they want to play with. Make sure to be present and give your child your full attention.
Don’t “blame” the baby in your responses. It’s important to not reference the baby when you say no to your children. “Instead of saying, ‘We can’t go for a walk right now because I have to feed the baby,’ try something like ‘We can’t go for a walk right now, but we can go for a walk after dinner tonight.’”
Try babywearing. This will allow you to comfort your baby and keep your hands free to help out with all of your children. There are many affordable wraps, slings and carriers nowadays.
Create lists on your phone/tablet. Make lists on your phone of the things you need to do for the upcoming week or month. Have a running shopping list on your phone so you can add to it as you think of something you need. Keeping lists readily available can also allow others to help you. When friends or family members ask if they can help with anything, you can send them your lists.
Prep healthier snacks the night before. Try to prepare snacks the night before or on a day that you can prep for later in the week. Preparing your own snacks is a game changer if you want to have convenient snacks readily available that are less expensive. Store bought snacks are also an option to help you get through the newborn stage.
Keep a few lunch and dinner options in the freezer. Pre-made entrees that you can just take out/defrost/cook are helpful on busy days! Pair your pre-made entrees with a simple side like rice, pasta, vegetables, etc.
Divide and conquer if you have a partner. The easiest approach to managing multiple kids is to divide and conquer. Put the easiest children together while the hardest is dealt with separately. For example, have your partner handle the bedtime routine for the older children while you are handling the bedtime routine for the baby. Once the baby is older, around 5 or 6 months, try to rotate the divide and conquer setup (if this is an option for your family). If your partner has been helping with the older children during the bedtime routine, have your partner handle the baby’s bedtime routine and you handle the bedtime routine for the older children. Rotate the setup every day so all of the children are used to both parents helping during the bedtime routine.
Understand that regressions can happen. As your children get settled into the new family dynamic, you might notice setbacks in their behavior. In these stages of regression, your child may start acting out by talking like a baby (or talk in a more babyish voice), fighting against their routines, and/or delaying bedtime. These behaviors are normal as your child is seeking more attention. Try to keep your child’s routine as consistent as possible.
Prioritize SLEEP. Make sure to organize your time so you have time to sleep. Without sleep, it’s hard to function in general, let alone take care of children. For example, if one parent is able to watch the kids in the morning so the other parent can sleep in for an hour or two, the extra couple hours of sleep will be extremely helpful!
And most importantly, embrace this challenging phase. Lower your expectations about what you can accomplish in any given day. Some days, all you might be able to do is keep your children safe and fed, and that is perfectly okay! And make sure to reflect on the small wins throughout your day such as cuddling your newborn or having a fun conversation with your older children during a car ride. As you learn to balance life with a new family dynamic, remember to show yourself kindness. With some time and patience, your family will settle into your new normal.
July 23, 2025
